This is a sequel to Ten Terrible Websites, here I tackle five additional awful websites, that are also very popular. Well, numbers 2 and 4 are actually categories of websites, but the title “Three Awful Websites and Two Awful Website Categories” sounded too clunky to me. Enjoy, and get your feet off the seat, you disgusting animal.
Zdnet publishes a lot of content on a daily basis, but I’ll sum up everything they’ve ever posted for you:
“I HATE MICRO$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$FTS!!!”
Zdnet is a large corporation, but makes the the attitude and professionalism of your average ranting rage-filled internet blogger seem intelligent and civil by comparison. Unless it is an open source, free culture or similar label stuck to it, then everything they write about is regarded as worse than Satan.
You can practically hear the eyeballs exploding and and blood spying the screen as Zdnet’s writers hammer their vile hatred into existence.
Really, as far as the internet goes Zdnet’s content is pretty average, the problem is the internet is a cesspool if derangement, so being average here is horrible beyond belief.
It’s also worrisome that large corperations like Zdnet (a subsidary of CBS) with supposedly ‘professional’ journalists, are able to get away with the same quality of writing as “ButtHurtGamer.com” (that’s probably a real site, I’m not going to check).
Not all webcomics are terrible, but everything terrible is a webcomic. Err, I think.
Here’s a list of webcomics:
- The Oatmeal
- Cyanide & Happiness
- Least I Could Do
- Questionable Content
- 8-bit Theatre
- Dominic Deegan
These comics have three things in common: they are some of the most popular on the web, their creators live off the income their comics make, and they are all absolutely terrible–not one of these comics has even a single redeeming quality whatsoever.
If comics like these serve any purpose it’s to show just how far into the inane one can go, and yet, these are the gold standard upon which all webcomics are judged. The internet has an unlimited appetite for trash. There’s a few billion more comics as bad or even worse than these, and each has its fans.
The quality to terrible ratio with webcomics is about the same as all forms of entertainment, its just that the terrible webcomics are really truly terrible. The majority of movies, books, games and other products may not be particularly great, but the majority of webcomics are depraved hellspawn that redefine just how low ‘entertainment’ can sink.
Regular movie reviews too complicated for your tastes? Can’t comprehend Peter Travers when he gives complex analysis like “pure pow!!!” or “a knock out winner!!!”? Then JoBlow is for you! It does for film critique what lobotomies do for brains. If it was a movie it would be one of the worst ever made.
Film critics tend to be a pretty low brow, unsophisticated bunch to begin with, and yet even the most mindless of popular reviewers look like gods of intelligence compared to this…any word I could use would be sullied by comparing it to JoBlo’s content, “trash”, “retardation”, “idiocy” — these words are all far too kind; “large-scale septic run-off”, maybe begins to approximate it. Or you could just look at the face of the @&*%$!^ owner.
But forgive my crudeness, even a small amount of exposure to such a hotbed of mental disease begins to cause brain injury in even the most resilient of us. I’d give some quotes or snippets of content but the site is so uniformly terrible that I wouldn’t know what to single out. It’s kind of like a movie site written and run entirely by YouTube commenters. Filled with suppressed beta-male violence and entirely driven on by a diseased obsession with sexualized females.
Does this really represent the “Joe Blow”, the average male citizen? Probably, at least in Western society (don’t get excited, others are much worse). In this way, JoBlo, and the popular internet as a whole, do serve to shatter any illusions about the inherit goodness of humankind, to crush the wisdom of crowds myth, and to illustrate why human civilization, in its current form, does not deserve to survive. And all I wanted was to know if Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter was entertaining.
4: Fan Fiction
Do you have a tenuous grasp on the English language? Are you depraved beyond comprehension? Do you loathe the world and want to unleash anguish upon humanity? If so, fan fiction writer may be the career for you. Don’t believe the critics, Fan fiction has many uses for society; such as: killing off the weak, showcasing mental deformity, and wasting the time of useless people.
The larger fan fiction sites don’t allow purely pornographic stories, but don’t let that fool you into a feeling of safety; it’s possible to inflict plenty of horror without an adult rating. Although in reality, the amount of deviant fan fiction isn’t really incredibly high–most of it is just incredibly uninteresting, poorly made rubbish. To borrow a term from Quantum Mechanics, it’s “blah”.
And there’s lots of it for just about everything, not just for fiction. Want to write a story about the Statue of liberty coming to life and doing battle with the evil but charmingly snarky Eiffel Tower? Me neither, but a fan fiction site would be a great place for such a story.
The tagline for Epinions is “unbiased reviews by real people”, which sounds promising–we all know how unbiased real people are! Want to know what the ‘real people’ think about the product you’re about to buy? of course not! But Epinions will tell you anyway! From printer paper to paperweights to paper clips, it’s a goldmine of mentally stimulating information.